


The Rest Stands

by magequisition



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Brotherly Bonding, Confessions, Feelings of Inadequacy, First Kiss, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-22
Updated: 2013-02-22
Packaged: 2017-12-03 05:31:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/694706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magequisition/pseuds/magequisition
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's not that Castiel is a guy. It's just that he's so much better than Dean.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Rest Stands

 “Have you heard from Cas yet?” Dean asked. 

Sam shook his head. “Nothing, Dean, sorry,” he replied. 

Dean kicked at the floor. “Damn it. Cas, where are you?” 

Sam shut the book he was reading and stood up from the table, walking towards his brother. “Why are you so worried about him?” he asked. 

“Because he's been gone for fucking ever, Sam, or at least that's how it feels. He was just supposed to be taking Samandriel back and then he was supposed to come back, and he told me he was suicidal and-” he broke off suddenly. Sam was staring at him, eyes wide. 

“You're in love with him,” Sam said calmly. 

“So what if I am?” Dean snapped. “No, I mean...aw hell, I don't know what I mean,” Dean said, taking a swig from the beer bottle in his hand. 

“Why didn't you say anything?” Sam asked quietly. 

“Because it doesn't matter, Sam!” Dean shouted. 

“Why not, Dean? Because he's a guy?” Sam asked. “Don't tell me you're still stuck on-” 

“No Sammy,” Dean said, cutting him off. “I gave up caring about that awhile ago, okay?” 

“Then why, Dean? I see the way you look at him. I see the way it's hurt you every time he leaves for any extended period of time. I'm not blind, Dean,” Sam's voice was both irritated and desperate. 

Dean looked up from the now-empty beer bottle he'd started fiddling with, biting his lip hard to try and stop the tears pricking at his eyes. “Because he's above this, okay, Sam? Above me, above earth. Because he's a fucking angel, literally, and I'm a high school dropout with a drinking problem and it doesn't really matter how I,” he swallowed hard as his voice choked. “How I feel orwhat I want, he's an angel and I'm a human, and a pretty shitty one at that, so it's not gonna happen. Can't happen. And I hate it but it's true so I drink, and I find girls to have some one-night fun with, and I gank some monsters so that I don't have to think about it, okay? Because I'm a grade-A fuck up and just like I fuck up everything, I managed to be the idiot who..” he broke off for a moment, swallowing again. “Who fell in love with an angel. The one fucking person I can't ever have, because even if we manage to close the gates of hell and this is over, he's still gonna be an angel and I'm still gonna be good for nothing. More than now, probably, since my only real skills aren't exactly marketable.” Dean finally stopped his rant, breathing heavily as he stared at Sam, who stared right back. There was an extended silence and then 

“You're wrong, Dean.” 

Dean spun around. “Cas,” he said shakily. “Uh. Hey buddy. How much of that did you hear?” 

“Enough,” Castiel said. He looked intently at Dean, his blue eyes seeming to bore into Dean's head. “How could you say those things, Dean?” he asked, his head tilting to the side. 

Dean dropped his head to stare at the floor, shame written on his face. “I know, Cas. I shouldn't feel that way about you,” he mumbled. “Sorry. I get it if you want to be scarce for awhile.” Dean vaguely registered a soft click as Sam left the room, closing the door behind him. 

“You misunderstand me, Dean,” Castiel replied, stepping close to Dean and moving into his space. “I'm not referring to your confession of love. I thought I had made it clear that I love you long ago. I'm referring to your expression of unworthiness, of being...less, somehow, than me.” He reached forward to place his hand on Dean's left shoulder, startling Dean into making eye contact briefly before looking away again. 

“I am, Cas! Look at me. I represent basically every sin in the book, and you're a freakin' angel, and way beyond me, way above me, and I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry, Cas.” Dean shrugged Cas' hand off of his shoulder and turned away to walk towards the bed and sit down. 

“Dean, stop,” Castiel said. Dean complied instantly. “Turn around, Dean.” Dean turned. “You are the righteous man. You have saved the world many times over. You are a loyal man, and you stand firm to your beliefs,” Castiel stepped slowly towards Dean again. “I am an angel, yes, that's true. But I have rebelled. I have fought against, even killed, my own brethren. And when the gates of hell are closed, I intend to fall. To be with you. Heaven holds nothing for me anymore. So tell me, Dean, why am I so much better than you?” Castiel asked. Dean stood rooted in place, staring at the angel with his mouth gaping open. “And as for your...misguided, shall we say, opinion regarding my attitudes towards sex,” Castiel continued, ignoring the shocked look on Dean's face (Dean was sure he'd only _thought_ about the sex part of it, not actually said it), “It is true that while I would normally be indifferent to sex, it appears that the way I feel for you allows Jimmy's body – inhabited now by myself only – to...react, as it were, to sexual stimuli. I am not above sex, Dean, nor am I above you in any way.” 

Dean stared at Castiel in shock. He'd rarely heard the angel say so much in one stretch, and he'd certainly never heard him say something like this. If Dean was hearing things right, Cas meant that - 

“Yes, Dean. I mean that your feelings are reciprocated,” Castiel said. 

“Damn it, Cas, get outta my thoughts!” Dean said. Castiel's face scrunched up with an expression of regret. 

“I'm sorry, Dean. I forget myself sometimes.” Dean sighed and turned around again, stepping towards the bed and sitting down heavily, resting his elbows on his knees and rubbing his fingertips into his face, trying to process what was happening, before looking back at Cas. 

“So now what?” He asked, his voice small. 

Cas walked towards the bed and sat down gently beside Dean, resting his hand on Dean's thigh. Dean tensed slightly at the touch but forced his muscles to relax. “I don't know, Dean. I'm sorry. But we will face whatever comes together. Samandriel has been returned; I am through with Heaven. I have no intention of returning. I belong here,” he said, gesturing at the small room in the Men of Letters bunker that they were currently sitting in. “I belong here, with you. With Sam. Maybe a cat,” he said. 

“I'm allergic to cats,” Dean said roughly, his voice choking again. He really hated that it kept doing that today. Before he realised what he was doing, he'd grabbed a fistful of Cas' trenchcoat and was leaning towards him uncertainly to press a tentative kiss to the angel's lips. Castiel returned the kiss slowly and a bit awkwardly. Dean pulled back slightly shakily a moment later. 

“No cat, then,” Castiel said quietly. “But the rest stands.” 


End file.
